Coming to Terms With "Motherhood OCD"

It is late at night and my whole family has been asleep for a good 3 1/2 hours while I've been awake doing my chores.

I am finished with them now, and it is 1:25am. The dishwasher is scrubbing away at the dishes we dirtied all day long, the dryer is drying some sheets my daughter bled on, and I have sprayed down all counter tops and tables in the house with disinfectant. I folded and hung all my husband's laundry and there's not a single dirty article of his clothing left. The house is straightened up. I have checked and re-checked on my sleeping children, making sure they're properly tucked in and that their rooms are neither too cold nor too hot. Outfits for all 3 of my children have been carefully selected and laid out, and the baby's diaper bag is packed and waiting near the front door.

Now, to most of you this probably sounds like I'm a bit "over prepared." Like I've been doing things that could easily be done in the morning after I get a good night's sleep. It probably even sounds like I'm getting ready for some special day for which I need to be ready for, no matter what the day throws at me. The reality? This is my routine every single night. It's normal for me, and it will probably continue to be my "normal." However, just a few moments ago as I finally began to pull down my covers and climb into bed, the thought occured to me that all my shoes were messed up earlier in the week while my little girls played dress up. As I opened my closet to begin the straightening up, I stopped. "It is past 1am," I thought "and I am about to line up my shoes that no one sees but myself. Obsessive compulsive disorder, perhaps?" Probably. I sat and thought, just for a moment, about how silly not only this was, but also how silly it is that I pay attention to such ridiculous details. No one cares that my girls have perfectly neat outfits and adorable hair all the time. No one notices if my house's scent changes each week. And I'm sure no one notices that the dishes in my cupboard are stacked by color, niceness, and how frequently they're used. Of the contents in my diaper bag, it's probably not very likely that I'll need 3 different sizes of Ziplock bag, 4 sizes of safety pins, and 3 extra outfits of different warmth variety for my son. Now, there probably aren't many of you who are as bad at this as I am (heaven, help me!) but there probably are several of you who, like me, need to let go of some of the less important things. Motherhood is hard enough as it is without us making that much more to worry about. It's more important to get my much needed Mommy Sleep than it is for me to make sure all the books on my living room book shelf are lined up correctly.

So here it is, now 1:46am, and I am trying my hardest to restrain myself from sitting down on my floor and reorganizing those darn shoes to how they should be. I'm blogging about how crazy I am, in an attempt to convince myself to not go in and do something so pointless and time consuming. Did it work??

*Sigh* Maybe I should be on some sort of "Mommy OCD" medication!

~Karyn

Time doesn't have to change things

Friday like most days in my life lately started out early and was guaranteed to be a long day. We had to go to my husbands shop so he could put in an order, we wanted to visit his dads grave on our way to my sister's graduation and then my husband's sister's graduation after that. But to back up- as I woke before the rest of my family and was getting ready for the day my thoughts were on my father in law as I often find them to be. I just kept thinking about how we could make the whole grave visiting thing more positive. Everyone that ever knew him has said at some point how much they learned from him. Wether it was learning from his mistakes or learning how to better treat people from all walks of life among many things. I believe that part of his purpose while he was on this earth was to teach and I want to take full advantage of all the lessons I can learn. So the thought was why not every time we go to visit his grave we talk about one of those things that we learned from him and want to be better at and then make a goal to work on that over the next while before we go back to visit the gravesite again. I mentioned to my husband the idea and he liked it so when we went up to the grave that morning I chose to work on my marriage. When my father in law was at his best my mother in law always had flowers on the table, new jewelry, little cards and notes. He really knew how to make her feel loved. But he also knew how to distance himself as I think all people do at some point or another in their marriage. I have always heard people say time changes things you get more comfortable and you stop holding hands and your evenings are spent doing separate things. I have already found this happening in my marriage and it scares me because ive only been married 3 yrs- and I intend to spend eternity with my husband how is there going to be a marriage if this distancing is already happening?I mean just last week I had had a horrible day with my 2 yr old and my mother in law kept her over night so I could have a break. I had every intention of making some yummy non- alcoholic drinks making up some popcorn and slipping into bed next to my husband and watching a movie. Instead I took a bath and read a book and my husband watched shows off our DVR.. and then fell asleep on the couch. This is when the flag went up for me... We had a whole night without kids and we didnt even cuddle or talk other than in passing.

So this is where my thoughts were as we went through out our busy day. Towards the end as I was sitting at one of the Graduations 2 things happened that made me sure that I was moving in a good direction with this goal. 1. one of the speakers

gave a quote from Andy Warhol which says "They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." I feel that is 100 % true. Our marriages dont have to get "comfortable" just because we have been married a long time. We can choose to be different. My grandma has a friend who up until the day her husband died they still held hands everywhere they went and I remember when I was probably 10-12 yrs old catching that friend and her husband making out! At the time I thought that was so gross but now that I look back at it I think - That is the marriage I want! 2. I was seated next to my brother in law who is young and has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for a few years now. As I listened to him talk about his girlfriend as she walked across to get her diploma I thought she cant even hear him and he is complementing her. I want that, and if I want my husband to treat me that way I need to be treating him that way. He cant hear my thoughts and know how much I love him or know how hot I think his is if I dont say it out loud regularly! So I guess the point of my ranting is dont let time change your marriage make it a priority in your day to spend some time with your spouse. You will enjoy the rewards of your husband receiving more attention and your children will notice how much happier you are.

~Kira P.