Time doesn't have to change things

Friday like most days in my life lately started out early and was guaranteed to be a long day. We had to go to my husbands shop so he could put in an order, we wanted to visit his dads grave on our way to my sister's graduation and then my husband's sister's graduation after that. But to back up- as I woke before the rest of my family and was getting ready for the day my thoughts were on my father in law as I often find them to be. I just kept thinking about how we could make the whole grave visiting thing more positive. Everyone that ever knew him has said at some point how much they learned from him. Wether it was learning from his mistakes or learning how to better treat people from all walks of life among many things. I believe that part of his purpose while he was on this earth was to teach and I want to take full advantage of all the lessons I can learn. So the thought was why not every time we go to visit his grave we talk about one of those things that we learned from him and want to be better at and then make a goal to work on that over the next while before we go back to visit the gravesite again. I mentioned to my husband the idea and he liked it so when we went up to the grave that morning I chose to work on my marriage. When my father in law was at his best my mother in law always had flowers on the table, new jewelry, little cards and notes. He really knew how to make her feel loved. But he also knew how to distance himself as I think all people do at some point or another in their marriage. I have always heard people say time changes things you get more comfortable and you stop holding hands and your evenings are spent doing separate things. I have already found this happening in my marriage and it scares me because ive only been married 3 yrs- and I intend to spend eternity with my husband how is there going to be a marriage if this distancing is already happening?I mean just last week I had had a horrible day with my 2 yr old and my mother in law kept her over night so I could have a break. I had every intention of making some yummy non- alcoholic drinks making up some popcorn and slipping into bed next to my husband and watching a movie. Instead I took a bath and read a book and my husband watched shows off our DVR.. and then fell asleep on the couch. This is when the flag went up for me... We had a whole night without kids and we didnt even cuddle or talk other than in passing.

So this is where my thoughts were as we went through out our busy day. Towards the end as I was sitting at one of the Graduations 2 things happened that made me sure that I was moving in a good direction with this goal. 1. one of the speakers

gave a quote from Andy Warhol which says "They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." I feel that is 100 % true. Our marriages dont have to get "comfortable" just because we have been married a long time. We can choose to be different. My grandma has a friend who up until the day her husband died they still held hands everywhere they went and I remember when I was probably 10-12 yrs old catching that friend and her husband making out! At the time I thought that was so gross but now that I look back at it I think - That is the marriage I want! 2. I was seated next to my brother in law who is young and has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for a few years now. As I listened to him talk about his girlfriend as she walked across to get her diploma I thought she cant even hear him and he is complementing her. I want that, and if I want my husband to treat me that way I need to be treating him that way. He cant hear my thoughts and know how much I love him or know how hot I think his is if I dont say it out loud regularly! So I guess the point of my ranting is dont let time change your marriage make it a priority in your day to spend some time with your spouse. You will enjoy the rewards of your husband receiving more attention and your children will notice how much happier you are.

~Kira P.